beautiful distress of mathematics: Archive

I cradle this precious last

The funny thing about this year is when it started I was convinced that it would be the most boring year of my life.

It was a year of loss. I had to say goodbye to so many people before I was ready. They were ripped apart from me while I still needed them. The year I realized how indifferent this world can be when you’re crying on your bed begging for things to be different. I unearthed a pain so riveting I could not function.

It was a great year for discovery. I found out so many things about myself that I never knew could exist. I found out that the friends I have are my friends for a lifetime. Through horribly drunken nights to 3am car crashes, my friends and I take care of each other.

This year I realized there is a happiness so profound, you can see it shining through the eyes of someone who loves you. Someone could be so iridescent, they fill you up with light so that you could shine as well.

I have forgotten so many events this year but this year changed my life. Not just in the grand things but also in the secret and quiet memories.

I greet the new year with a battered but better heart.

Dec 31, 20117 notes

#goodbye 2011 #atlas hands

“These sudden ends of time must give us pause.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.” —Richard Wilbur, from “Year’s End” (via growing-orbits)

Dec 31, 201128 notes

#goodbye 2011

Dec 31, 20112,797 notes

Dec 31, 201131,024 notes

Atlas Hands

Take me to the docks, there’s a ship without a name
It is sailing to the middle of the sea
The water there is deeper than anything you’ve ever seen
Jump right in and swim until you freeze

I will remember your face
‘Cause I am still in love with that place
But when the stars are the only things we share
Will you be there?

Atlas Hands - Benjamin Francis Leftwich

Dec 30, 201114,837 notes

“ Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.” —Tori Amos (via creatingaquietmind)

Dec 30, 2011204 notes

Dec 30, 2011188,389 notes

#pursuit of perfection

Dec 30, 20116,764 notes

“I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.” —Lemony Snicket (via nocternity)

Dec 30, 2011456 notes

Dec 30, 20113,097 notes

Dec 30, 20112 notes

#adventures of a dumbass #tradition

“All night I streched my arms across
him, rivers of blood, the dark woods, singing
with all my skin and bone ”Please keep him safe.
Let him lay his head on my chest and we will be
like sailors, swimming in the sound of it, dashed
to pieces.” Makes a cathedral, him pressing against
me, his lips at my neck, and yes, I do believe
his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars.” —Richard Siken, Crush (via stephanierosecolette)

Dec 29, 2011209 notes

Rainy thoughts on lung cancer

Stealing cigarettes from my father’s case is turning into a midnight holiday tradition. Next is sneaking out to the garage and crouching behind the car. I am 12 again and the acrid smoke assaults my young body. I thought if my father and I inhaled the same toxic, we’d exhale the same thoughts. These are my desperate attempts to understand my father. Didn’t I promise that I would never go near a cigarette again? I realize we are alike in the ways we break the vows we’ve made. The thing about bad habits is that as time goes on, they stop being bad. There is always redemption.

Dec 29, 20119 notes

#too many thoughts

Dec 29, 2011380 notes

#Death Cab For Cutie

Dec 29, 20113,649 notes

Dec 29, 2011519 notes

You Always Hurt the Ones You Love Ryan Gosling

ryanfuckinggosling:

You Always Hurt The Ones You Love - Ryan Gosling

If I broke your heart last night,
It’s because I love you most of all

Dec 28, 20111,124 notes

#ryan gosling

Dec 28, 20117 notes

#cool kids #no #get a life

Dec 28, 201117,212 notes

#oceans #ebb and flow

Dec 28, 20115,162 notes

Dec 28, 2011178 notes

#want #wishlist

“I’m sorry, but it’s been a long time since I’ve talked about certain things. So I don’t know anymore—or I’m not sure. When I look at my life and its secret colors, I feel like bursting into tears. Like that sky. It’s rain and sun both, noon and midnight. You know, I think of the lips I’ve kissed, and of the wretched child I was, and of the madness of life and of the ambition that sometimes carries me away. I’m all those things at once. I’m sure there are times when you wouldn’t even recognize me. Extreme in misery, excessive in happiness…Each time I think of that flood of pain and joy in myself, I know - I can’t tell you how deeply I know that the game I’m playing is the most serious and exciting one of all.” —A Happy Death by Albert Camus (via colporteur)

Dec 28, 2011369 notes

Dec 28, 2011763 notes

Dec 28, 20112,415 notes

#you are a tourist #remember

Dec 28, 20114,072 notes

Perestroika

How much is too much?
You throw the daggers when I handed you flowers
I think you carved your initials into my skin too deep
See how much I bleed.

All I wanted was to drown in love, be consumed by it,
ignited with it, revelled at it, taste it between my teeth.

The blood snakes down towards my wrists
My tired body will fade fast.

Tell me what else makes you happy.

Dec 27, 20112 notes

Death Cab For Cutie - Passenger Seat

Looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Passenger Seat - Death Cab For Cutie

Dec 27, 20111 note

#the weather is very... #rainy #the hidden memories

Dec 27, 201157,491 notes

i love you sugar plum see you on thursday;) GUESS WHO?:)

hi anna. you are my favorite loser.

Dec 27, 20111 note

‎2011 is almost over. Inbox me something you've always wanted to say to me. I promise it will stay between us. Post this on your blog. Maybe people will surprise you.

Dec 27, 201147,929 notes

#the year of the anons #it can anonoymous #i like the mystery

“She was illusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.” —Jerry Spinelli (via serialstranger)

Dec 26, 2011226 notes

Dec 26, 201162,856 notes

#ok #incredible

Dec 26, 201110 notes

The overexamined life is not worth living

Dec 26, 20111 note

#fringe of 2011

Dec 26, 20116,756 notes

#summer #cebu #can't wait!

“It is a simple fact: whatever you resist will persist. If you are resisting suffering, you suffer more. If you are resisting confusion, you remain confused. If you are looking for peace, you find yourself constantly disturbed. If you are seeking after clarity, you are in a muddle. If you do not want to be angry, you are going to walk around angry. If you do not mind being angry, you will never be bothered about anger, because you will not be holding on to it. Having no opinion for or against, just being open to whatever comes, you are free.” —Dennis Genpo Merzel (via levantine-chant)

Dec 26, 2011207 notes

#i am free

Dec 25, 201118,549 notes

#favorites

Dec 25, 201114,624 notes

#favorites #little prince

“Where are the lives we lived
when we were young?
Our kisses, the heat of our skin, our bitter words?
The first waking to the first child’s cry?” —VI. Then by Eavan Boland (via laboratoiredesreves)

Dec 25, 201181 notes

Dec 25, 201133 notes

Dec 25, 201111 notes

#~clubbin~ #vudu #neoelitism

Dec 25, 201173,262 notes

#plans

Dec 25, 20111,144 notes

#@neoelitism

Dec 24, 201125,558 notes

Dec 23, 20111,758 notes

Dec 23, 20112,767 notes